You Fail Because You’re Afraid to Stand Out Among the Crowd

Emerson wrote, “Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the self-reliance of every one of its members.”

People don’t like it when other people change or do something that makes them feel awkward or insecure. Pushing ourselves to reach our own greatness threatens the complacency of those around us, shining a light on their own squashed dreams and failed potential.

In many cases, these people lash out. It makes them question themselves, which is difficult for most to handle.

You’re Not Persistent Enough

In 2009, debut author Karl Marlantes finally published Matterhorn, a novel based on his experiences in the Vietnam War. The book was a hit. The New York Times called it “one of the most profound and devastating novels to ever come out of any war.” Mark Bowden, bestselling author of Black Hawk Down declared it the greatest book ever written about the Vietnam War.

It took over 35 years for Marlantes to get his book published—more than half of his lifetime. He re-wrote the manuscript six separate times. For the first two decades, publishers hardly read it, much less rejected it.

Most of us give up on something we’re passionate about too soon. And anyone who’s been successful has a tale of struggle and perseverance to share.

As the cliche goes, nothing worth having comes easy.

You Fail Because You Lack Humility

There are many people out there who accomplish a little bit and decide that they are an expert. Humility is knowing what you don’t know.

In the world of online marketing and internet business, I began to notice a trend a couple of years ago in the business owners I met.

The people who had a big mouth, who regularly went on and on about what they accomplished, exaggerated their successes and sapped the attention from the ether around them—they were moderately successful at best. Sometimes they were not successful at all; i.e., they still had day jobs or even lived with their parents. Yet they were more than willing to dole out their sage wisdom to anyone and everyone who would listen.

But the people who were legitimate, self-made millionaires, the ones who actually did scale to the peaks of their industries, they often admitted they did not know an answer, they downplayed their successes (or usually never even mentioned them). Instead, they regularly pointed out their weaknesses and how they needed to learn more.

This did not strike me as a coincidence.

You Fail to Network and Build Strong Relationships

I’m a perennial loner. I’m also a mild control freak with my projects. Whether it’s insecurity or obsessiveness or plain arrogance, I have trouble letting people influence whatever I’m working on or am passionate about.

It’s counterproductive. It single-handedly submarined my aspirations to be a professional musician once upon a time (an industry based almost entirely on networking) and I’ve surely missed quite a few opportunities over the years with my internet business because of my hesitance to reach out and connect with others who could help me.

You Fail Because You’d Rather Argue Against Advice Instead of Taking It

Guaranteed express ticket to sucking: trying to be right instead of good.

I don’t care what it is, if you’re more invested in arguing your point of view against people who are trying to help you than you are in improving yourself, then you’ve effectively given up. And for all of your brainiac debating, you’re still too stupid to see it.

You Fail Because You’re Too Distracted

Facebook newsfeed, Tweets, Reddits, sub-Reddits, Imgur, check email, Facebook again, back to Imgur, oh a funny comic strip, post on Facebook, check email again, message on Facebook, funny cat pictures, tweet funny cat pictures, look on Reddit for more funny cat pictures, rinse and repeat.

Earlier this year I experimented with giving up sports and politics for a month. I was blown away with how much information I once considered vital and important soon felt like meaningless fluff—sensationalized info-tainment meant to keep me clicking rather than informing and influencing my life.

Practice some self-discipline in your life.

You Fail Because You Don’t Take Responsibility for What Happens in Your Life

Also known as having-an-excuse-for-everything disorder. To fix the problems in your life you must have power over them. You can’t have power over aspects of your life unless you take responsibility for them. Therefore if you don’t take responsibility for what happens to you, you fail.

There are numerous situations in life which may seem completely unfair and insurmountable, like God decided to piss in your Corn Flakes® unfair, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

You Fail Because You Don’t Believe It’s Possible

I’m a little hungry, so I’m going to outsource this bullet point to the Dagobah system ($3 an hour, great turnaround time) where Jedi Master Yoda will fill you in:

This isn’t some sort of manifestation/affirmation crap. There’s no supernatural power at work here (well, with Master Yoda there is, but with us, no).

The mind’s unconscious beliefs about possibilities inform the level of effort and expectation of success from the body’s behavior. For instance, one study showed that athletes who held inaccurate positive beliefs about their own abilities outperformed athletes with accurate or negative beliefs about their own abilities.

Beyond that, people who overestimate what they’re capable of are far more likely to actually, you know, get off their ass and try. And when you try and learn from your failures, you can eventually lead yourself to success.

You Fail Because You’re Afraid to Care

Many people catch the indifference bug. They lack a clear, true passion. They’re reluctant to invest themselves top-to-bottom into a venture, project or pursuit. Many of them give up quickly. Others just lose interest. Many lack the wherewithal to even begin.

Chronic indifference is an insidious defense mechanism. It undermines the drive and motivation required to overcome it.

Unconsciously, many people are terrified to invest themselves into something because investing themselves into it could potentially lead to failure and failure could potentially lead to a lot of thoughts their psyche is not yet prepared to face: questions about self-worth, competence, being worthy of love, etc.

Look, I’m no Freud, but in my experience, people crippled by indifference don’t overcome it until some other emotional issue in their life is uprooted, confronted and kicked out.

You Fail Because Deep Down, You Don’t Think You Deserve What You Want

Many (or most) of the bullet points above are actually top layers for this underlying cause: believing you don’t deserve what you want.

Many of us, at our core, have buried beliefs and feelings about ourselves that aren’t so savory. Maybe we were teased a lot growing up, or our parents and teachers told us we wouldn’t amount to anything, or we were punished for being smart by our peers.

Whatever happened, something happened. And something inside us makes us feel uncomfortable with the idea of accomplishing too many great things as a result.